Boundaries for Family
Setting boundaries is necessary for family and friends. You are retired so you get called on to do the errands, pick up people from airports and wait at your nephews house for the cable guy. Only say yes to what you want to do. A no answer does not require a reason.
Family members have known us longer then anyone. They certainly know how to push buttons and make us feel guilty. But they can’t do it without our permission. If they make a request you don’t want to do or can’t do, you can and should say no. Tell them no, but you can also tell them what you can do. “I can’t wait for the cable guy on Tuesday afternoon but I’m free Friday morning. Let them know what you can do or are willing to do.” Set the boundary. Try and keep it.
If you are already over-committed make a plan to pull back. Define what your needs are. Be honest and upfront then stick to it. We often think of boundaries as harsh or mean, but they are kind. Boundaries aren’t designed to shut others out, but instead, when you set a boundary, you are giving yourself permission to take care of yourself. Setting boundaries you can all live with is essential for your mental health and peace of mind.
Boundaries for Friends
Boundaries in friendships help both people keep their relationship healthy and intact and they are the cornerstone of any healthy relationship, including those you have with your close friends. Often, they are built into a friendship at its beginning but sometimes, new boundaries are required as the relationship progresses and change over time.
Good fences make good neighbors. Setting or changing boundaries with friends is not an easy thing to do, but it can be essential to the friendship. Boundaries need to be maintained (they can deteriorate over time.)
In friendships, people share so much of themselves and expect support and help from one another. Sometimes it’s doable, other times, it’s not. A healthy friendship respects these boundaries
These are some ares where boundaries could be useful. Many of these may already be a part of your friendship.
How You Treat Each Other’s Time
You should respect each other’s time. Being constantly late is disrespectful.
Needs From Each Other
Advocate your needs from a friend and be receptive to their needs from you.
Being Reciprocal and Supportive
Friendship must be give and take. If you are the one always giving (or taking) it might be time for an honest conversation.
How You Treat Their Values
It’s not your job to convince your friends to come over to your side, nor is it their job to convince you. Respect is key.
Whether You’re Able To Say “No”
Friends must be able to say no to each other without guilt or resentment.
Organization Limits
Many of us volunteer because we have a passion for a cause or organization and want to make a difference but we don’t always have a clear understanding of our roles and responsibilities let alone boundaries. After all we are there to help.
For those of you who volunteer, are there times when you are asked to do things that maybe go beyond your original intention or comfort level? Is your volunteer work starting to suck more of your time and energy and you no longer have the excitement you used to have?
It is natural for all volunteers to go through periods of enjoyment, frustration and sometimes downright resentment.
Regardless of how long you’ve been in your volunteer role, you need to set some boundaries. It’s never too late to set boundaries. While your boundaries will vary from time to time and organization to organization, here are some areas to consider:
*How many hours a month are you able or willing to volunteer?
*How does your schedule match the organizations needs?
*What roles are of interest to you and what areas are not?
*What kind of training do you want?
*How much notice do you need to attend an activity?
Give yourself permission to say no. It’s that simple. You signed up to be a volunteer; that does not mean you must do everything asked of you.
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