Maybe you have found your old sticks and have decided to give Ringo Starr or Buddy Rich a run for their money. Or maybe you feel you need some refresher lessons. Perhaps you have a list of all the books you haven’t read or movies you want to see again or recipes you want to try. Maybe you have found some old friends on the internet and travel plans are in the works. But sometimes you might discover, even before the ink is dry on your farewell card from work, everybody in your life is making plans for your free time. You need to set some boundaries.
How do you say YES TO YOU without feeling guilt? Are you already over committed and have no “me time.” It’s never too late to set up some boundaries. If you are already drowning in “yesses” to everyone else it’s time to make a plan and say YES TO YOU.
Let’s talk about situations that may need some boundaries, whether it’s with your spouse, your children, your friends or others.
Planning Spouse Boundaries
Unless you have spent some time talking about this before one or both of you retired it’s likely your plans may be a little different or not in sync at all. You want to be close to family and friends, he wants to move to someplace warm and golf everyday. She wants you both to take classes and join the community center and you want to take your grandkids to ball games and start to travel.
The keys to handling this transition are communication and a plan that includes together-time and (separate) me-time.
Make sure you both are communicating clearly and fairly by taking each other’s wishes into account. By learning to compromise, and to balance time with shared interests and individual wants, you can work together to prevent conflict and disappointment.
Seek Balance
As you work out your retirement plan be sure to include ways to keep your life as balanced as possible. Some intellectual pursuits will keep your brain sharp. Exercise and physical activities can benefit your health. Perhaps you would be spiritually better-off because of participation in the arts. Socialization, fulfilling activities and taking care of your health will provide balance.
Setting these limits or boundaries, giving and taking and trying to see things from your spouse’s perspective, can set your retirement on a smooth path. If you’re having trouble agreeing with each other’s ideas, a counselor or coach could help you conduct these conversations successfully.
Did you and your spouse make a retirement plan together? What worked? What advice do you have? Is it ever too late to communicate?
Never too Early for Family Boundaries
It’s better to set limits early. Let your entire family know what you are planning for your retirement. Make a plan for your time and let your family know what you have been dreaming of doing after retirement. Maybe you want to travel or volunteer or take a class. Know how busy you want to be. Only say yes to things you want to do that that fit your plan.
It’s better to set limits on your time early and ease into a new schedule. Don’t take on too much at once and get overwhelmed or resentful. This is your time and how you spend it is up to you. If someone tries to make you feel guilty, tell the truth. You are new to being retired and you don’t want to take on too much too fast.
Never too Late for Family Boundaries
If you are already over-committed, make a plan to pull back. Communicate your needs and wants to your family. Maybe watching the grandchildren every day leaves you no time to do what you want to do for yourself. You were glad to help but now you have things you want and need to do. Communicate that and work out an agreement you and your children are bound by. Setting boundaries you can all live with is essential for your mental health and peace of mind.
The same for other family members. You are retired so you get called on to do the errands, pick up people from airports and wait at your nephews house for the cable guy. Only say yes to what you want to do. A no answer does not require a reason. Remember communication, structure and me time. If you clearly communicate to your family that you have retirement plans and set the boundary that establishes you will help when you can but sometimes you can’t, your retirement will be yours to enjoy.
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