I have had that quote memorized for fifty years. It was the first thing I learned in my beginning communication class in college. Moreover, it’s the best advice for communication, whether you are a writer, reader, speaker or listener. It is one of the keys to Active Listening.
Communication is HOT (see our Effective Communication (amplified!) article) but our listening should be A A A! Active listening requires you to:
- listen attentively to a speaker
- be in a mindset to listen and understand what they’re saying
- respond and reflect on what’s being said
- retain the information for later
This keeps both listener and speaker actively engaged in the conversation. Active listening must be a conscious activity based on three skills: Attention, Attitude and Assessment.
Attention
The best communicators are active listeners. They pay attention not only by listening to what is being said but also by observing what you see. Seeing the speaker’s body language and emotions enables you to better understand what the speaker is truly saying.
Attitude
When you demonstrate your ability to listen sincerely to what others say, people will be more interested in communicating with you on a regular basis. Be mindful of message and listen to understand. Try not to think about and mentally rehearse what you might say when the speaker is done.
Assessment
To complete the communication process the listener must assess the message and give appropriate verbal or non-verbal feedback. A clear message could warrant a nod, an unclear message a question. If appropriate feedback is not given or the message is not clear the communication process has failed.
You would think that we would be good at listening since most of us have had years of practice. Research suggests we only remember 1/4 to 1/2 of what we hear. So when you are receiving information or directions you aren’t hearing the whole message. I hope you are getting the important parts! Listening is a skill we all need to improve.
“Understanding your own personal style of communicating will go a long way toward helping you to create good and lasting impressions with others.” Mindtools.com
Clearly, listening skills are important. Just as clearly, they are skills you need to practice, refine and practice again. You must find the areas where you can improve. One fix does not fit all. Our needs are not the same. Being a good listener is important in your work life, in your social life and in your private life. Being a good listener can boost your image in the workplace. It can boost your good friend status. And, it can help prevent arguments and misunderstandings at home. Good listeners garner respect and trust. Effective listening is a skill that underpins all positive human relationships.
Active Listening Tips
Here are some skills that can help you master your active listening ability:
- Be attentive
- Request clarification
- Paraphrase
- Listen or watch for nonverbal clues
- Restate key points for clarification
- Limit interruptions
- Maintain eye contact
- Provide nonverbal affirmations (nod)
- Listen without judging
- Be attuned to and reflect feelings
- Show empathy, use positive body language
- Sometimes, listening may be enough. Let people vent if they need to.
Old habits are hard to break, so you’ll need to make a conscious effort to become an active listener. Practice one skill for several days and self-evaluate to see if it is improving your listening comprehension and or retention. Seek help if you need it. There are training courses and professionals that can help you.
We have added an Active Listening Quiz to help you evaluate your own listening skills.
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