Sometimes I wish I had a crystal ball so I could know what life is going to throw at me next. Life is so unpredictable! Even when you think you are on top of things, stuff happens. When huge things happen unexpectedly like an illness or a death, a worldwide pandemic, a fight or a breakup with your partner, a natural disaster like the hurricane that just hit, betrayal, a big change in income, or even the death of your pet, you might understandably find it hard to cope. Coping with change is the only way to move forward.
Two Ways of Coping With Change
People tend to handle change primarily in one of two ways:
- Escape coping. Just like it sounds, this is based on avoidance. You deliberately take actions to avoid the difficulties or results of the change. For instance, you might (accidentally-on-purpose) miss a plane to a meeting about a change in work priorities. Somehow, you miss the phone calls from a friend because you don’t want to see anyone. Instead of facing a change in circumstances you disappear or act like nothing is going on. Unexpected change can be difficult. All too commonly, some people escape using alcohol or drugs. This is an unhealthy way of coping with change.
- Control coping. This approach to change is proactive and healthy. Even with unexpected change we can remain in charge and refuse to behave like a victim. Manage your feelings, consider the positives the change could bring and do what you need to do to be a part of the change.
Tips for Coping with Change
Psychology Today provided these 10 tips for coping with big or unexpected changes in your life and coming out a better person for it:
- Acknowledge that things are changing. Sometimes we get so caught up in fighting change that we put off actually dealing with it. Denial is a powerful force, and it protects us in many ways. However, stepping outside of it and saying to yourself, “Things are changing, and it is okay” can be less stressful than putting it off.
- Realize that even good change can cause stress. Sometimes when people go through a positive life change, such as graduating or having a baby, they still feel a great deal of stress—or even dread. Keep in mind that positive change can create stress just like not-so-positive change.
- Keep up your regular schedule as much as possible. The more change that is happening, the more important it is to stick to your regular schedule—as much as possible. Having some things that stay the same, like walking the dog every morning at 8 am, gives us an anchor. An anchor is a reminder that some things are still the same, and it gives your brain a little bit of a rest.
- Try to eat as healthily as possible. When change happens, a lot of us tend to reach for carbs—bread, muffins, cake, etc. This may be because eating carbs boosts serotonin—a brain chemical that may be somewhat depleted when you undergo change (stress). It’s okay to soothe yourself with comfort foods—in moderation. Also notice if you are exepriencing an increased use of alcohol or other substances; your use can sneak up on you when you are under stress.
- Exercise. Keeping up regular exercise could be a part of the “keep up your regular schedule” tip. If exercise is not currently part of your routine, try adding it. Exercising two to three times a week has been found to significantly decrease symptoms of depression.
- Seek support. No one gets through life alone. It is okay to ask for help; that’s a sign that you know yourself well enough to realize you need some assistance. Think of your trusted friends or family members. Chances are that they are happy to help if you need them to watch your kids while you run some errands, or if you just need some alone time. If you are thinking about hurting yourself or killing yourself, please contact the Suicide Prevention Lifeline online or at 1-800-273-8255.
- Write down the positives that have come from this change. Maybe due to this change in your life you have met new people. Maybe you started practicing healthier habits. Maybe you became more politically active. Maybe you became more assertive. Maybe the change helped you prioritize what is most important in your life. Change presents us with the opportunity to grow, and it’s important to acknowledge how things have become better as a result.
- Get proactive. Being proactive means taking charge and working preventatively. This means you figure out what steps you need to take to accept the change. Being reactive means you wait until something has happened and then you take action or avoid action of any kind.
- Vent, but to a point. Having a support group to whom you can vent can be helpful—to a point. If you and your support group are solely venting, that feeling of frustration can be contagious. Try gearing the conversation toward action: What can you do to make things better? When people brainstorm together, their creativity and hopefulness can be contagious as well.
- Back away from social media. When you go through change, you may gravitate toward social media—maybe posting to your friends on Facebook what is going on in your life. First, make sure you are in a calm state when you post—and keep in mind that whatever you post never really disappears. Step away from social media if you are starting to compare your life to others. psychologytoday.com
Change: the One Constant
The world changes every day in ways big and small. We can’t stop the change process. The rate of change seems to be increasing. It is sometimes hard to catch up.
Our brains struggle to cope with any change. But, unexpected change can be emotionally devastating as well as chaotic. So give yourselves a break.
It’s natural you feel stressed, maybe afraid, and also confused. You will feel out of control. Unless you wear a cape or fly an invisible airplane, you aren’t super human.
If you are coping with change, it’s ok if you have a day that you aren’t functioning at your peak. If you are having a hard time coping, try to incorporate more laughter and fun into your life. As I’ve said before, laughing increases dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins. It also decreases cortisol, a stress-producing hormone. More fun, less stress. How bad can that be?
Remember, Joyful Living is a way of life.
Related Article: Laughter and Life Change Stress Test
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