Coping with Christmas Stress
Christmas is only a couple of weeks away so Christmas stress and anxiety are rearing their ugly heads. Why? These moments are among the most cherished in our lives, so why can they also be among the most stressful times?
We carry expectations influenced by our memories, our wants and our daily influences. We remember gathering at grandmas house, the smell of the turkey, all our cousins around. Pies and cookies and presents. These become the memories by which we measure our happiness. Conversely, if we grew up with less than happy memories, the self-imposed pressure to make the perfect Christmas we never had drives us, but often escapes us. Either circumstances can color our vision of the perfect holiday season, which can lead us to experience stress and unhappiness.
The key to coping with Christmas stress is setting realistic expectations. Let’s look at the 4 major stressors and how to manage expectations and set boundaries.
Money and Gifts
The major stressor for many of us is buying gifts. This often involves both not knowing what to get the relatives and not having the money to buy what your kids or grandkids want. When your kids tell you that there is something they really want, we want to do what we can to make it happen.
We have previously written about setting a budget. Realistically, in order to manage your expectations, you have to set your own boundaries and this includes a BUDGET.
Lead your kids through the process. Have them write down all the things they want, then talk with them about the things they really really want. Then their priorities. I asked if you only get one gift what would you like it to be. Soon they narrowed it down to a few. When Grandma or Aunt asked I gave them a suggestion that I knew was in their budget. They always got many things on their list. If gifts for other relatives is a problem, talk to them about drawing names, contributing to a charity in their name or not exchanging gifts. One year I practically spent more on postage then in the gifts, so we now only send gifts to kids.
Activities
Holiday activities and travel also take money at Christmas. Our ideal is to do what we all want to do and still have time and energy to enjoy a great holiday. Gather the family and discuss what they want to do. Set expectations and discuss the budget if needed. Everybody should pick one thing they want to do over the holidays and then see if it fits in the time-financial-opportunity triangle. A movie. Make treats. Go to Grandmas. See a sporting event. Just chill. Have friends over.
Make a plan that includes what you can do within reason (including traveling and spending time with relatives.)
Family Can Make Christmas Stressful
No family is perfect, and most families have some tension. The key to coping with family is to have realistic expectations when it comes to Christmas with your family. Existing issues within your family will not magically disappear. Don’t set yourself up for disappointment. Make plans based on what will bring the most joy and the least stress. Maybe you can separate family into compatible groups: Christmas Eve with in-laws, lunch with your family. If family lives far away, swap visiting. That way everyone gets a special time. Serving alcohol is a choice not a requirement. Provide some alternatives for activities if you want to and you know it will help. Open conversations ahead of time about what you will be doing helps others set expectations too.
Self-Expectation Creates Christmas Stress
We tend to set impossible standards for ourselves when it comes to the holidays. Do you want the best meal, place settings, decorations, and experiences Do you want to give gifts that will be remembered for a lifetime? The holidays are tough enough without that added pressure. Set healthy boundaries, prioritize, establish realistic goals and manageable expectations, practice self-care including sleep and healthy behaviors.
Our children learn how to manage stress by watching how we respond to stress. So, without even realizing it, we are also modeling healthy coping strategies to our children and reminding them how to prioritize, set healthy boundaries and know why realistic expectations are important. Anything you are able to do to relieve Christmas stress and anxiety is worth doing.
When you make it through Christmas, check out my article on How to Make a New Year’s Resolution
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