As joyful as any relationship is at the start, with lots of laughter, playful private jokes and, romance — as time goes on, relationships change. Couples begin to focus on things like communication, finances, family planning and the ups and downs of two separate lives meshing together. Joy can somehow take a back seat. But do not worry. There are at least 8 ways to discover more joy in your relationship.
The loss of joy is a choice, not an inevitability. With effort, joy can last and even grow. According to the #ShareTheJoy consumer study by Reddi-Whip, 94% of people believe joy is more intense when shared with others. Further, 67% of people in the same survey said they don’t make enough time to celebrate everyday moments with their loved ones.
At the core of all relationships is joy. Joy from the small things like finding the perfect food truck, or liking the same song or laughing over a ridiculous wedding present or sharing the last cookie. Joy is a positive decision. We can invest in joy for ourselves, and work on it with our partner. Alternatively, we can continue to let joy take a back seat. Investing in joy involves taking responsibility for our lives and relationships. But the investment pays dividends!
8 ways to discover more joy in your relationship…
There are eight steps on the path to joy:
Find your own joy
The first step is for each partner to be responsible for their own joy. It takes the strain off your relationship and provides a firm foundation for joy in your partnership.
Support each other
Help your partner realize their ideal selves. It is critical to believe-in, support, and validate our partner’s values, goals, and dreams. Celebrating joy with a partner increases relationship satisfaction, intimacy, commitment, trust, closeness, and stability. Plus, the benefits of the celebration last for at least eight weeks weeks afterward!
Commit to one shared experience
Find some joyful common ground. Decide on an activity where you felt alive connected and joyful. Then schedule it on your calendars so you have a shared positive experience to look forward to.
Use the “Power of Touch”
“Too often we underestimate the power of touch.” (Leo Buscaglia a.k.a. Dr. Love) Frequent physical contact can improve and nurture our relationships. A hug a day keeps the marriage counselor away. Research shows that daily affection will go a long way in rekindling joy, as well as help communication and reduce stress.
Share your dreams
Share your dreams (and goals and values.) Shared dreams connect you and wrap you in a shared cocoon. The shared dreams encourage couples to grow together, take chances together, and create a joyful life shared by both of you. Every week, try to do at least one thing that supports your partner’s dreams.
Laugh
Laughter is the best medicine. When was the last time you laughed out loud. Find ways to tap into laughter and silliness. Laughter can dissolve tension and bonding over a funny movie, or funny event together can elevate your joy as a couple.
Plan things together
Planning things together brings joy, be it a vacation of long standing, a movie night, or what car to buy. If you plan things together, you get to share that joy. In addition, the conversation around the anticipation can amplify that shared joy. It also ensures that each of you have a say and can anticipate your part in the success of the event.
Communicate
You are probably sick of hearing that lack of communication is the cited cause of over 80% of divorces. In addition, lack of communication can steal your joy. For example, if you have something that needs to be said, say it. Also, if your partner says, “What’s wrong?” saying “nothing” is an insult. They most likely know that’s not true and you know they know. Therefore, saying nothing breeds resentment. Conversely, if your partner shares something to make you happy, let them know and share the joy. Let this be your guide, if you have something you want your partner to know, good or bad, say it. Don’t count on subtle hints. It’s a good bet they aren’t mind readers.
Joy: Easy as 1-2-3-4
Like many things in your relationships, you have to work to keep the joy present. The information above can certainly help but you should also find your own methods, your own bubbles of joy to share with each other. I want to offer you some tried and true techniques for discovering more joy in your relationship. These are techniques as easy as 1, 2, 3, 4.
AT LEAST…
- Every ONE day SAY “I love you” and give each other a hug. Also, every ONE week do something special for each other.
- Every TWO weeks plan a date night. Take turns making the plan.
- Every THREE months have a night away.
- Take a FOUR-day long weekend or an even longer vacation or staycation (but spend it together.) Do this at least once a year.
There is a reason why this simple 1,2,3,4 prescription for a joyful relationship works: A significant majority of people ranks spending more quality time with their partner as their top choice to discover more joy in their relationship.
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