Remember when you were younger and the holidays were approaching. You were happy and would say “Oh boy the holidays are coming.”? (Jumping up and down.) No holiday stress then!
Now you stand shake your head and say. “Oh joy (sarcasm) the holidays are coming.” Now things are different.
(This article was written Thanksgiving week 2021.)
The holidays are regarded as a time for family togetherness and closeness. In reality, all that togetherness and expectation can create stress and conflict. In-laws might insist you come to them, and though you want the family to be together, packing up, traveling and living in someone else’s house with your kids is really stressful.
What we need is a strategy to prevent as much holiday stress as possible, soothe any holiday stress that occurs, and just enjoy the holidays again.
If you are traveling:
*Decide before you leave and let everyone know the number of days you will be together. It’s better to end up wanting more then risk overstaying. My mother-in-law used to say, “Company is like fish, it starts to smell after three days.”
*Pick off days to travel even if it means celebrating a day early or late. Traveling at peak times can cause tension and subsequent crankiness in everyone. You are really just setting yourself up for disaster.
*The less stuff you take the less you have to keep track of. Plan to wear clothes more than once. Have a back pack for kids to limit the toys they take and once there find a box to keep them in so they can find them to play and you can find them to pack.
If you are hosting:
*Establish boundaries you won’t cross. Say no if you must and don’t feel guilty. If you have no room for your cousin and four kids say so.
*Arrange the seating charts in advance to eliminate emotional hiccups and to make sure there are enough chairs
*If you don’t want alcohol present let people know and have plenty of other choices.
*Call in some favors and enlist your close friends or family to help you get your house ready and decorated.
*Delegate! Give jobs to people if they ask to help. Set the table, police the bathrooms, peel the potatoes.
*Before you begin think about taking a plate or two to neighbors or others. If you know there will be leftovers ask guests to bring containers so they can take leftovers home and leave you some space for your food.
*Before everyone heads for the couch ask for help if needed to get the kitchen and dining area cleaned.
Staying above the fray
There might be even more holiday stress than normal this Thanksgiving as the conflict across the country is polarizing relatives with different political views. This on top of the regular family issues like the person that never helps but always complains, the relative that criticizes your children or you, or the person prying for details on a private matter you don’t want to share and always the sibling pushing a button.
*Take a deep breath before responding to an uncomfortable question or comment. Reacting in the moment may cause you to say some things you regret. Before responding to what you perceive as a snide, condescending, or generally inappropriate remark or question, grant yourself a mental and emotional pause.
*Practice a breathing technique, take your dog for a walk and get out your meditation Ap. This will help you feel more refreshed, and be able to answer in a calmer state of mind.
*Prepare in advance for what you know is coming. Have some topics ready to switch gears. “What’s new on Netflix? “ I’ve been meaning to ask you about…” or turn the question “ What are your thoughts?” Make sure you have conversational topics ready if you really need to change the subject.
*Prepare some cool lines that stop the derailed conversation but don’t strike back. When your sister says, “have you gained weight?” You can say, “I don’t want to talk about that, tell me about your new job.” If the conversation turns to politics, wade in “ No politics, who wants some pie?” Think about what to say before you need to say it.
Thanksgiving is a time for thanks and giving. and amid all the commotion and stress it is a time to reflect on what we’re grateful for.
Why not take some time on Thanksgiving to focus on blessings in your life and the things you appreciate about yourself? One idea is to take some time during the meal and allow each person to talk about what they’re grateful for in a genuine, specific and personal way. Can we challenge ourselves to make Thanksgiving more than just something we get through? Let’s make it a time of reflection, connection and a celebration of the great fullness of life.
Related Article: Stress (positive and negative)
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