Self-renewal is the process of renewing oneself. It is also the process of bringing ourselves more in line with our life purpose and values. In doing so, we also set the direction of progress in our lives. Sometimes, it is necessary to know how to self-renew: replace bad influences with good.
We have recently discussed the following renewal topics:
Today’s topic is Replace. Replacing the toxic or ineffective things from our lives. Replacing them with things that work. Certainly replacing what’s not working is consistent with our renewal theme and important for us all.
I remember my mother using a few of phrases appropriate for our discussion today:
“Lie down with dogs, get up with fleas.”
“Birds of a feather flock together.”
“As you sow, so shall you reap.”
I guess all these phrases warn us to avoid destructive and toxic influences and people. Let’s choose people who lift us up, challenge us in a creative way, help us be the best person we can be because their beliefs are in line with our life purpose and values. Consider this: 95 % of your thinking comes from the people you associate with on a regular basis.
The only constant in our life is change. We are constantly changing and renewing. We grow into and out of clothes. Sometimes we get promotions and advance at work. And, we move our physical location. So too, we also change in our personal life, our thinking and our view of who we are.
Replace Harmful Friends
Perhaps you and a friend have grown apart, your lifestyle has changed or your values and life goals have taken different paths. Maybe your friend no longer supports you. Perhaps they have become destructive of what you are working toward. If we are to practice how to self-renew: replace bad influences with good, we have to do something about our friend. You must end or change a friendship that is clearly not working. You must replace the dysfunctional with something better.
Whether you end a friendship or simply reduce your interaction with old friends, the process is hard. You will be stepping out of your comfort zone and stepping into the unknown. It’s likely you have had many good times and have good memories with your friend, and it’s not going to be easy to just dump them from your life.
You must have a conversation with them. Obviously, if your friend has said something or behaved in a way that is irreconcilable, the break will be easier. As you talk with your friend, discuss your new situation honestly. Try to make them understand that because things have changed for you, you’re going to be trying out new things in life, and maybe you won’t be able to hang out with them much anymore. It may surprise you to find that your friend has already started moving in a new direction.
They may your point of view. If they get angry or resentful, remember, you did your part by telling them the truth and not just ghosting them. By telling your old friends the truth, you’re both able to have closure.
Replace Bad Habits
We want to remember how to self-renew: replace bad influences with good. To do so, we need to replace bad, toxic habits with good, healthy ones. We want to embrace habits that are in line with who we want to be. How much of what we do is habitual? How we behave, what we say or how we react and, of course, how we think are all mostly habitual. Some studies conclude that over half of our actions are autopilot or habit. This routine behavior makes it difficult to break bad habits.
We know bad habits can be a time suck, but they can also jeopardize your health. So why do we continue to do them? Bad habits come from stress and boredom. We experience stress so we eat, or smoke or drink. We are bored so we play computer games or shop on line, or we surf the computer for hours looking for the latest cat video.
These bad habits give us a reward or a benefit so it’s very hard to stop and deny ourselves the benefit. When your brain associates a behavior with a reward, you will develop a craving for the behavior. You might not even realize it. We call this the “Habit Loop.”
The first step in habit change is to identify your triggers. Write down all you can about the habit. Do this for a day or two (or however long it takes,) Record when, where, why, who you were with and the benefit associated with the habit. Once you know those answers, identify your triggers, you can begin to take steps to substitute a good habit for the bad habit. One that still provides a benefit.
James Clear is an expert in the field of habits. His book Atomic Habits lists the following ways to deal with bad habits:
Choose a substitute for your bad habit
You need to have a plan ahead of time for how you will respond when you face the stress or boredom that prompts your bad habit.(meditation, breathing, etc.)
Cut out as many triggers as possible
If you smoke when you drink, then don’t go to the bar. If you eat cookies when they are in the house, then throw them all away.
Join forces with somebody
How often do you try to diet in private? Or maybe you “quit smoking” … but you kept it to yourself? (That way no one will see you fail. Right?) Instead, pair up with someone and quit together.
Surround yourself with the right people…
People who live the way you want to live. You don’t need to ditch your old friends, but don’t underestimate the power of finding some new ones to support you.
Visualize yourself succeeding
See yourself throwing away the cigarettes, buying healthy food or waking up early. Whatever the bad habit is that you are looking to break, visualize yourself crushing it, smiling, and enjoying your success. See yourself building a new identity.
You don’t need to be someone else…
You just need to return to the old you. So often, we think that to break bad habits, we need to become an entirely new person. The truth is that you already have it in you to be someone without your bad habits. In fact, it’s very unlikely that you had these bad habits all of your life. You don’t need to quit smoking, you just need to return to being a non–smoker. You don’t need to transform into a healthy person, you just need to return to being healthy. Even if it was years ago, you have already lived without this bad habit, which means you can most definitely do it again.
Use the word “but” to overcome negative self–talk
One thing about battling bad habits is that it’s easy to judge yourself for not acting better. Every time you slip up or make a mistake, it’s easy to tell yourself how much you suck. End each negative statement with “but.” For example: I’m fat and out of shape, but I could be in shape a few months from now.” “I’m stupid and nobody respects me, but I’m working to develop a valuable skill.
Plan for failure
We all slip up every now and then. So, rather than beating yourself up over a mistake, plan for it. We all get off track. What separates top performers from everyone else is that top performers get back on track very quickly.
“When you screw up, skip a workout, eat bad foods, or sleep in, it doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you human. Welcome to the club.” — Steve Kamb
Replace Bad Influences With Good
Improving your life is the ultimate goal of our renewal process. Finding the idea you want to work on, the one that appeals to you most, and working on it can be hard. Making a lifestyle change is hard to stay committed to, but experts say changes are more likely to produce results if they are SMART — that is, Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-based. You can download The SMART Goal Worksheet from my website.
Your renewal is entirely possible. Just remember how to self-renew: replace bad influences with good.
* Please leave a comment below. You may comment anonymously or you may use your first name. We may post or quote your comment on the website. We will never post or share your last name, email address or any other personal identifying information.
