Worries, doubts, and anxieties are a normal part of life. It’s natural to worry about a test, an unpaid bill, or a first date. But “normal” worry becomes excessive when it’s persistent and uncontrollable. If you worry every day about “what ifs” and worst-case scenarios and you can’t get anxious thoughts out of your head, worry begins to interfere with your life.
In many cases, you can take steps to turn off anxious thoughts. Like other bad habits, worrying is a mental habit that can be broken. In most cases, you can train your brain to stay calm and look at life from a more balanced view. Change the way you look at things.
Once you realize that worrying is the problem, not the solution, you can regain control. Perhaps these tips can help.
Postpone the Worry
Don’t worry now, worry later. Rather than trying to stop or get rid of an anxious thought, give yourself permission to have it, but put off dwelling on it until another time. If an anxious thought or worry comes into your head during the day, make a brief note of it and then move on. Remind yourself that you will think about it later, so there’s no need to worry about it right now. Recording your thoughts—on a pad or on your phone or computer—is more difficult than simply thinking them, so your worries are more likely to lose power.
Choose a set time and place for worrying. Try making it the same every day (e.g. in the living room from 5:00 to 5:20 p.m.) Make it early enough that it won’t make you anxious right before bedtime. During your worry period, you can worry about whatever’s on your mind. Make the rest of the day, however, a worry-free zone. If the thoughts you wrote down still bother you, allow yourself to worry about them, but only for the amount of time you’ve specified for your worry period. Postponing worrying might put the problem in perspective. Later, if your problems have lost their importance, simply cut your worry period short and enjoy the rest of your day.
Challenge your Negative Thoughts
During your worry period ask yourself:
- What’s the evidence that the thought is true? That it’s not true?
- Is there a more positive, realistic way of looking at the situation?
- What’s the probability that what I’m scared of will actually happen? If the probability is low, what are some more likely outcomes?
- Is the thought helpful? How will worrying about it help me and how will it hurt me
- What would I say to a friend who had this worry?
Turn Worry into Problem-solving
Research shows that while you’re worrying, you temporarily feel less anxious, it makes you feel like you’re getting something done. You aren’t. Worrying and problem solving are two very different things.
If the problem is solvable, start brainstorming. Make a list of all the possible solutions and make a plan of action. Once you have a plan and start doing something about the problem, you’ll feel much less anxious.
If the problem is not solvable, accept the uncertainty. (More on this next week ) If you’re a chronic worrier, the vast majority of your anxious thoughts fall here and will only keep you from enjoying the good things you have in the present. Try to tackle your need for certainty and immediate answers. Can you handle things just being not known?
More Tips to Banish Worry
- Do you tend to predict bad things will happen just because they are uncertain? What is the likelihood they will?
- Given the likelihood is very low, is it possible to live with the small chance that something negative may happen.
- Ask your friends and family how they cope with uncertainty in specific situations. Could you do the same?
- Tune into your emotions. Worrying about uncertainty is often a way to avoid unpleasant emotions, accept your feelings, even those that are uncomfortable or don’t make sense.
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