Given all the listening that we do, you would think we’d be good at it! In fact, most of us are not, and research suggests that we only remember between 25 percent and 50 percent of what we hear. There are many ways we can improve our listening skills. One is to use active listening. Another is to practice mindfulness when listening.
Active Listening
Active or “reflective” listening is when you actively concentrate, listen and understand what the other person is saying. Then, you restate or share back information with the speaker, showing that you are paying attention and actively involved. It is a process of providing feedback to the person speaking. By doing so, you let that person see you paying attention. They can feel your interest in what they say.
To actively listen involves more than just hearing someone speak. When you practice being an active listener, you must fully concentrate on the person speaking. You listen with all of your senses and give your full attention to the person speaking.
Some Practices of an Active Listener:
•Focus on them, on their face
•Remain non-judgemental
•Be patient (do not “fill” periods of silence)
•Provide feedback to show signs of listening (smile, keep eye contact, nod)
•Ask clarifying questions
•Reflect back what you hear
Think about the last time you had a conversation with someone that ended in a fight or a misunderstanding. What if you had been an active listener? Could the result have been better? During conversations with your spouse, kids or parents, have you said to yourself “They just don’t listen to me.” But are you actively listening to them? Try just a couple of the above techniques and see if you get a better result.
Active Listening includes “Reflection”
It is important to reflect back to the person you listened to what you have just heard. The reflection might sound like this, “From what you said, I can tell you are really upset.“ (focus, reflection, no judgement and no “Well I think…”)
It will be hard at first to not interrupt with your own ideas. If you will make the effort to actively listen to what someone is saying and how they are feeling will go a long way to improving your conversations. Active listening takes practice to improve and maintain. The more you use these techniques, the more natural they’ll feel.
Mindful Listening
Mindful listening goes beyond active listening to help shut out distractions like noise, electronic pings, and our own thoughts that worm into our heads when we are trying to listen.
Listening in this way requires you to give your full focus to the person who is talking, and to use all your senses to understand their words and emotions. Do this while remaining open-minded, and display interest in what the other person says. Stay in the present moment to absorb what you hear. You also have to listen with empathy and without judgment, and without trying to formulate what you are going to say in response. When you are not mindful, subject to distraction by your own thoughts and worries, you may fail to see and hear what the other person does and says.
How to be Mindful:
1. Be present. When you listen mindfully, your focus should be on the person you are listening to, without distractions. Mute your devices, be ready to listen and relax.
2. Meditate: this is a way of practicing mindfulness and can be an excellent way of learning how to focus on the moment. When you empty your mind of “clutter,” you can make room for other people’s points of view.
3. Cultivating empathy. Validate the speakers perspective by acknowledging their opinion. It doesn’t mean you have to agree with them, just that you accept they have a different perspective from you. (parents does this ring a bell)
4. Listening to your own thoughts, feelings and physical reactions that we have when we feel anxious or angry, and choose not to let them block communication.
Mindful listening is not without auxiliary benefits. It helps you to:
- Retain information
- Pause before you speak so that you can consider the effect of your words
- Pay attention for longer
- Boost your self-esteem
- Reduce anxiety and increase positive feelings
* Please leave a comment below. You may comment anonymously or you may use your first name. We may post or quote your comment on the website. We will never post or share your last name, email address or any other personal identifying information.
