The third stage of retirement is the fearing phase. This phase parallels the stage in marriage when the emotional high of the wedding has worn off. The couple now has to get down to the business of building a life together. They sometimes ask themselves was this a mistake?
After looking forward to retirement for so long, many retirees must deal with a feeling of letdown, similar to that of newlyweds once the honeymoon is over. Retirement isn’t a permanent vacation. It also can bring loneliness, boredom, feelings of uselessness, and disillusionment. Retirement planning is generally so focused on money that people don’t realize they need to plan for the more personal areas of life that are crucial to creating a happy, healthy, and connected retirement. The reality is, even if a retiree spends 20 hours per month on their investments and other financial issues, that still leaves 97% of their time each year to fill with other activities.
People confuse who they are with what they did. They have lost their identity. They spend time looking back to a less uncertain time. In doing so, they can set themselves up for disappointment and struggles. This feeling of disenchantment can sometimes be accompanied by more serious feelings of meaningless or depression. This is the fearing stage of retirement.
When you started to consider retirement you probably had lots to of questions to think about. Retirement is one of life’s greatest transitions and getting it right is not accidental. Retirees do not adjust all at once. Instead, retirement happens in stages. Not all people go through the stages identically, but learning what they are and knowing what you can expect can help smooth the transition.
Retirement is a mirror that reflects the thoughts, habits, and behaviors you bring to it. – Robert Laura
Something that people overlook or don’t want to see is that retirement will magnify who they already are. People often think that more time and less work will provide extra motivation to be a better person. Now they can workout, eat healthy, spend time with family, and do the honey-dos. Without goal setting and planning that doesn’t happen. Retirement will foster more bad habits unless those patterns are interrupted. That is why people must approach retirement purposely to live the life that they want rather than hoping it will just work out.
“To change your life, you have to change yourself. To change yourself, you have to change your mindset.” Kushonwizdom
Maintaining physical health is just as important as emotional health and financial security. As we age we slow down. But if we take care of our health and stay active we can enjoy our retirement longer. Include in your plan exercising, eating right, and seeing your doctor.
“Don’t simply retire from something; have something to retire to.” Harry Emerson Fosdick
Talk to your family and friends and have them help you look for ways to create a sense of purpose again. If you don’t have a financial advisor you might want to get one. Also cosider getting a health coach and a retirement advisor/ coach. They can help you plan for the more personal areas of life that are crucial to creating a happy, healthy, and rewarding retirement.
Successful retirement takes work. But that work can help you overcome the fearing stage of retirement. This might be a good time to invest in something bigger than yourself—you can volunteer at a local organization, consider continuing education opportunities, or even plant a garden.
Having a proper retirement plan is like having a stable chair to sit on. Both need to have four strong and equal legs: a financial plan, a plan for emotional transition, a plan to stay healthy and active and a fun plan! When the other three parts are present it is easier to work on the fun plan. It includes things that you want to do, places you want to visit, and friends and family to share life with.
It is never too late to set goals and make a plan to get through the fearing stage and get the most out of your retirement.
After the third stage (the fearing stage) of retirement, you enter the next phase you can read about in our next article in this series, Stages of Retirement IV.
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