Self-Care Feedback
In response to a previous article about self-care, I got an email saying, “I thought self-care was just something you did naturally. Like if you get dirty you take a bath. If you get tired you sleep. I don’t do all this planning and such.” It is true, self-care can be somewhat instinctive. However, many of us never experienced self-care growing up. Further, in many cases it was trained out of us as being “selfish.” Few people instinctively know how to listen to their needs, reflect and rebalance. Self-care is necessary to a life that’s productive and one you feel good about. If and how you care for yourself is an individual choice.
Self-Care is Many Things
Self-care means adopting a mindset that makes your physical, mental, emotional, social, and spiritual health a priority. It shows in behaviors like getting enough sleep and eating well. According to psychalive.org it means, (among other things)
- Liking yourself, and liking how you do things
- Setting boundaries with family or friends who demand too much energy
- Standing up for yourself
- Giving yourself the gift of mindfulness (through meditation or yoga, for example)
- Making a healthy diet, regular exercise and adequate rest your personal priorities
- Asking for help without hesitation or shame
- Treating yourself with kindness and compassion as you work toward your goals
So in answer to our email, some self-care is instinctive but it is also something most of us have to work at, and while self-care can mean something different to everyone, it simply comes down to taking care of you.
According to Vanessa Scotto from the Yinova Center, “The moment we all decide that self-love is healthy and optimal for everyone is the moment we breed a more uplifted and whole society.” This applies to your relationship with everyone around you, your friends and your family. It also applies to your partner.
Discover a Better You
If you are making self-care a priority you become the best version of yourself. You are more patient and better rested. Also your self-care journey is full of discoveries. Most importantly, you discover that you are worthy of being loved. First by yourself, but also by your partner. Self-care teaches you about what’s really important to you. Taking care of yourself enables you to take care of others in your life.
Once you understand this truth of “why” self-care, you will begin to make changes. Setting boundaries is one of the most important, and perhaps hardest changes you will make.
Set Some Boundaries
Without boundaries you likely will find yourself becoming resentful and frustrated, you could allow yourself to take responsibility for others problems or duties and you’ll overwork as others take advantage of your kindness.
“Boundaries are guidelines and expectations that we set in relationships. These boundaries help both parties understand how to behave—what behavior is acceptable and what won’t be tolerated.” Sharon Martin LCSW
Boundaries are a form of self-care. When you set boundaries, you are taking care of yourself. You are recognizing what you need and asking for it. Boundaries can help you manage stress and take care of your physical well-being. Most importantly it helps create healthy relationships. Once you are determined to establish boundaries you must let others know what you will or will not do. It doesn’t mean never saying yes, it means saying yes only when you chose to, when you can manage it without stress or harm to yourself. Like:
- Say no to working late because you’re overtired, you’re prioritizing your need for rest.
- You can also say no to doing your coworkers job so she can leave early if you have projects of your own, fighting stress
- And say no to taking on the extra activity for the PTA because you are already doing two other things. Thus, you avoid being used.
- Finally, say no to things that you don’t want to do like ongoing child or pet care cause you and your partner have travel plans. Finally, you are putting you and your relationship first.
Social Self-Care
Previous articles discussed physical, emotional and spiritual self-care. Social self-care includes setting boundaries and feeling free to say “no”. Being social is key to well-rounded self-care. Also, like other kinds of self-care, ,sometimes being social takes work. It can be hard to make time for friends and it’s easy to neglect others when life gets busy.
Close connections are important to your well-being. The best way to cultivate and maintain these close relationships is to take the time. Because even a little time spent goes a long way to keeping up the bonds of friendship and family connections. In addition, other tips for relationship building and maintenance include:
- Send an anonymous care package
- Call someone you haven’t heard from in awhile
- Keep some postcards with you and write them while waiting for your kids at practice
- Schedule a zoom happy hour with friends or family that are spread apart
- Enjoy a date night with your partner
- Remember birthdays and anniversaries
Mental Self-Care
When we like who we are and reinforce our positive side, we are practicing good mental self- care. We can also:
- Keep a gratitude journal
- Take a fun course
- Watch a funny movie of video
- Meditate or take a time out to take a walk mindful of what you are seeing. If it is a familiar path challenge yourself to see something new
- Do something artistic. Paint or sing or dance even if you have no talent. Doing something new fires neurons in your brain. (And you might like it)
Our next article will include information on how to make your own list of self-care areas we want to work on.
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