As a coach of more than 10 years, one of the top three things that I help people with is forgiveness and letting go. People who have been stuck for years find a path forward when they take control, let go and realize that holding onto the past, or fixating on things that are beyond their control causes mind clutter at best and can actually paralyze you from moving forward. It is important to know how to let go. You might need to let go of mistakes in your past, a lost love, what other people might think of you, or anything else holding you back. The things you cannot change weigh you down. You can Soar Higher. Drop Dead-Weight Holding you Down.
“Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t.” Steve Maraboli
Don’t Hold on to What You’ve Got – Drop Dead-Weight Holding you Down
Holding on to negative events will increase your stress level and lower your enjoyment of life. This holding-on results in you feeling resentful, angry, upset and frustrated because while you often know what the problem is, you don’t know what to do about it. It’s important that you learn to adapt, let go, correct your errors, and grow from negative events.
“Research reveals over 90% of the things we worry about never happen. Studies show that people who worry a lot are generally less effective than those who don’t; they get less work done and are often less happy. And worriers are slower to respond than non-worriers—presumably because worrying burns off mental energy that would be more effectively applied elsewhere.” crgleader.com
Only you know what is weighing you down. This brainstorming journaling prompt from fiercekindness.com should give you a start on finding what you need to let go of. Then you can drop dead-weight holding you down
Spring Forward
“What do you need to let go of so that you can spring forward?
Think about these questions and then make a list.
- Where does life feel heavy? What would lighten your load mentally?
- What would offer relief, if you were to stop carrying it around with you?
Examples could be an activity, habit, recurring thought or limiting belief, a no longer relevant goal, a relationship or something else.” Fiercekindness.com
For some, ideas about what is holding you back will come to mind readily. Others might have to dig a little deeper. But once you know what you need to let go of, then what do you do? If you are searching for ways to drop dead-weight holding you down and find more calm, you might consider trying some of the strategies below.
Say No to Worry
Focusing on what we want produces feel-better hormones and conditions in our body. We have the choice to look at things negatively with worry or positively in anticipation of preferred results. Worrying about the unknown consumes the time and energy you could be using to solve real present concerns. Ask yourself if worrying can solve the problem or answer your questions. If the answer is no, use that energy to move yourself forward.
Put Things in Perspective
The anxious brain often focuses on the worst possible scenario. It is important to keep in mind that you will not know what is really going to happen until it does. Ask yourself, “What is most likely to happen?” Follow that thought to the end and you may see that you could handle it.
Ask yourself, will this situation will bother you in a week? A month? A year? You might see that in the big picture, this little bump in the road is not worth your worry.
Don’t Obsess Over Mistakes or Regrets
Ask yourself what the disappointment, anger, or regret you’re feeling right now is teaching you. You can’t change the past, but your feelings might have solid advice on what you can do differently in the future.
If you make a mistake, apologize immediately and do what you can to ameliorate the situation. Process what happened and forgive yourself for your part in the problem. Talk to yourself as you would a friend to enable your own self-compassion and to aid you to move on.
Forgiveness is Essential to Dropping Dead-Weight Holding you Down
“Forgiveness has nothing to do with absolving a criminal of his crime. It has everything to do with relieving oneself of the burden of being a victim–letting go of the pain and transforming oneself from victim to survivor.” C.R. Strahan
Get to the Bottom of Anger and Resentment
Practice identifying and allowing yourself to feel the underlying emotions to anger. If you get hurt, you get angry. If you are afraid, you get angry. Or, if someone disagrees and you get angry:
- Practice expressing anger and resentment differently.
- Share these feelings with a safe, trusted individuals
- Journal about the feelings and identify reoccurring situations.
- Work through them with exercise or other physical activity.
- Learn and practice relaxation and self-calming techniques. Examples include intentional breathing, tapping, mindfulness, meditation, yoga, quiet, unplugged downtime.
Move on From a Past Love
Honoring your experience and letting those intense feelings become part of your past can help you begin to find peace and move forward. Acknowledging the past importance of your love can help you see how it’s no longer serving you. Feelings of love can and do fade. It’s very normal to feel discomfort, so:.
- Have patience with yourself.
- Practice self-compassion by telling yourself what you might tell a friend in the same situation.
- Accept that it’s natural to hurt.
- Remind yourself the pain won’t last forever
When you’re ready to move on, distance can be your best friend. Even an occasional text, call, or Snapchat can rekindle those feelings. You might want to consider taking to someone professional if you are having trouble living your life as you would normally.
My “Go To’s” to Drop Dead-Weight Holding you Down
No matter what is keeping you stuck, and these are only a few, if you want to move on you have to change. The change that works for me most often (my first “Go To”) is to change my perspective. How much of the baggage I’m carrying belongs to me. I always try this first. If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.
My second “Go To” is meditation and being present. It is always calming and gives me space to find a path.
My last “Go To” is self-care and self-compassion. What is best for me? Worrying about things I can’t control, obsessing over a mistake or a regret, making myself exhausted by escalating to anger because it’s easier then facing things, or spending time on what ifs and blaming myself for a lost love? None of those are what’s best for me.
Only you can know what’s best for you and only you can find the path you need to help you adapt, keep your stress level down, and your enjoyment of life up.
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