Our previous article discussed what self-sabotage is. Today we are going to expose the 7 Menacing Methods of Self-Sabotage. I think you might encounter some surprises.
Remember, self-sabotage is when you get in the way of your own success consciously or unconsciously. It can happen in many situations in life, and can affect your mental wellness.
The good news is, like most habits, there are ways to improve the behavior or even prevent sabotage from happening in the first place.
The solution starts with knowing how to identify self-sabotage, the reasons someone may fall into it, and how to stop self-sabotage in its tracks.
Why Do People Self-Sabotage?
According to forbes.com:
People self-sabotage for various reasons including:
- Low self-esteem
- Bad habits, such as excessive and uncontrolled drinking
- Having inconsistent or conflicting thoughts (cognitive dissonance)
- Fear or discomfort of change
- A need to be in control
- Content with where you are in life
- Fear of failure
- Familiarity of failure
- Social or peer pressure
These internal and external motivators can lead a person to create hurdles, often as a form of avoidance.”
So now that we know the “what” and “why” of self-sabotage, the key to controlling it is discovering how we are manifesting this behavior in our lives.
The 7 Menacing Methods of Self-Sabotage
Self-sabotaging behavior, like most behaviors, is different for different people. The way it reveals itself can also be unique to the individual. Below are some common examples of self-sabotage. You might see one or a combination of several of the following behaviors:
Procrastination
Procrastination, or putting something off and/or making excuses, is a common self-sabotaging behavior. This might be not doing something because you fear failing or making excuses such as “I didn’t have enough time,” “It’s too noisy,” or “I work better under pressure.” This is a very common method of self-sabotage.
Reprioritization
Right along with procrastination comes reprioritizing. If something you need to do is difficult, or not what you thought it would be, like a project or a conversation, you replace an existing activity or goal with another obligation, something like “I was not able to help with the project as I had to take care of my children.”
Avoidance
Another self-sabotaging habit is avoidance. If we sometimes avoid things that we find uncomfortable, difficult or boring because of negative beliefs, we probably experience avoidance. We avoid challenges, routine and opportunities to learn and improve. Thereby sabotaging our career and friendships.
Focusing on What is not Working
How often do you focus on things that aren’t working? Thinking or speaking about what is wrong can make you feel unsatisfied, bothered and failing. This sabotage takes away your sense of purpose and ambition.
Stuck in Fear
Do you think about your fears so much that you take no action because of what might happen? This anxiety and intolerance to change can keep you trapped in your comfort zone. It might be keeping old habits, making excuses, or making goals with no action steps. Healthy behavior involves reasonable risk-taking.
Perfectionism
This is a need for everything to be absolutely perfect. The perfectionist never feels that they have done enough and has trouble finishing or enjoying the satisfaction of the moment. Impossibly high standards that can be self-defeating can stop them from advancing in their career or enjoying satisfying, long-term relationships.
Defensiveness
What starts as a way to protect ourselves or navigate potentially painful experiences and feelings, may actually do the complete opposite of what we intend them to do by inadvertently sabotage our lives. Defensiveness is one of the most prevalent methods of self-sabotage. It is the subject of a new quiz on the Life Coaching With a Smile website. Defensiveness takes many forms, including:
Repression
Repression occurs you push your feelings down to make you feel better in the moment. In the long run repression can sabotage you because you aren’t protecting yourself Instead you are allowing those bad feelings to stick around inside. This makes moving forward nearly impossible. You are preventing the healing, understanding, and growth that comes from emotional processing.
Denial
If you are blocking external realities from your mind in spite of evidence, you are in denial. You might think you know what is going on or that you are in control, but you are denying or refusing to accept the truth of the situation and it only becomes worse.
Idealization
Idealizing someone, like a friend or partner, makes you blind to their faults because you have placed them on an extremely high (and unrealistic) pedestal. This belief that they have zero flaws could lead you to accept any treatment from them good or bad, as you convinced yourself that they were “perfect” and could do no wrong. Further, placing people high above us is a quick way to feel down on yourself. Idealizing someone can damage your self-esteem.
Offensive Behavior
“The best defense is a great offense.” If you find yourself in anticipation of a danger or of someone who could hurt you, your body naturally goes on alert. In response, your body language, words and even facial expression telegraphs your attitude. When we feel hurt, uncomfortable, or angry, we often overreact to the situation. Unfortunately, in many cases, our defensiveness comes on too strongly and the way we express ourselves can be inappropriate and disrespectful.
Invulnerability
Probably without knowing it, you could be keeping those you care for at arm’s length. Our experiences shape our behaviors and inform us of how we should react in any situation. If you have only ever experienced painful, complicated, confusing relationships, your mind will remain programmed to expect the worst from all future relationships. You might believe that keeping people at a distance keeps you safe from their sabotage. In reality, it means that by avoiding vulnerability you sabotage yourself and your own happiness.
7 Menacing Methods of Self-Sabotage Conclusion
“The only reason I can’t jump in and engage life is that I’ve told myself I can’t. Yet I can’t helping wondering would happen if I told myself I could?” Craig D. Lounsbrough
Self-sabotage sets you up to fail in a number of ways. It reinforces negative talk and negative behavior. It is why you take the easy path, hide from confrontation and procrastinate. You have told yourself there is hurt or failure in the other side. You settle for the mediocre rather than risk happiness. Finally, you repress unhappy memories that don’t heal and the difficulty of trusting someone enough to be vulnerable is an invisible weight you carry. Self-sabotage is insidious.
The good news is there are ways to make your life better and easier and change these habits. Now you know the 7 menacing methods of self-sabotage. Our next article will discuss how to break the self-sabotage habit.
“The biggest thing holding you back is almost always… you. Start there.” – Hunter Post
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