There are a million ways to react when you make a mistake. Most of those ways are themselves also mistakes. When you make a mistake it is vital that you respond effectively. That is why this article is about Mistakes: How to Make Slip-Ups and Disasters History.
What do you do if you make a mistake, how do you repair the friendship? How do you keep a minor mistake from escalating? How can you repair a major mistake before it is beyond hope? And how do you make a mistake history instead of letting it haunt you forever?
Since everyone is different, finding the repair strategies that work for you can vary. But repairing a mistake is critical so you can make amends and move on. There are a million ways to react when you make a mistake, but when you make a mistake it is vital that you respond effectively and as quickly as you can.
Mistakes Happen
“When Disneyland opened in 1955, it was a disaster. Although 15,000 visitors were expected, nearly twice as many descended upon the park, thanks to thousands of counterfeit tickets. Guests were plagued by long lines, malfunctioning rides, and a shortage of food. To top it all off, a tiger and a panther escaped from the circus, terrifying children and parents on Disney’s suddenly family-unfriendly Main Street. The day having been dubbed ‘Black Sunday’ by his employees, Walt Disney took it all in stride. ‘If you do big things, you make big mistakes,’ he told reporters.” (From the excellent book Lessons from the Mouse).
As you can see, tackling mistakes is important, even at Disneyland. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. I make mistakes every day. If we didn’t make mistakes we’d never learn anything. What matters is what we do and don’t do after we make a mistake. In other words, how we make slip-ups and disasters history.
Slip-ups and Disasters
How you handle a mistake is partially dependent on what the mistake was. Did you forget a birthday, did you wreck your buddy’s car or are you guilty of a personal lapse? Was it a memory lapse, an accidental occurrence (a slip-up) or a serious breach of trust (a disaster)?
There is a dividing line between minor mistakes like forgetting something, missing a deadline at work, speaking out of turn, breaking something and major mistakes like breaking the trust of someone close to you or hurting someone.
When you make any kind of a mistake, keep in mind that it doesn’t define who you are or could be as a person. Try not to jump to conclusions about your worth or value. You are not your mistake. No one is perfect, and that’s okay. What defines you is what you do next. How you make slip-ups and disasters history.
Manage Slip-Ups
“When you make a mistake, there are only three things you should ever do about it: admit it, learn from it, and don’t repeat it.” Paul “Bear” Bryant
If you take nothing else away from this article, those three things along with good honest conversation can probably keep any reaction to your mistake manageable.
Regroup and Take Control
While you may feel like hiding out and cowering, do just the opposite. The mistake happened. Now what? Take a breath, take charge of yourself and act. Deal with it. The worst thing to do is pretend it didn’t happen and hope no one finds out. Responsible, ethical people own up to their mistakes, immediately. If you were responsible step forward, don’t make excuses or try to place blame.
Apologize
Everybody makes mistakes, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t apologize for them. Your mistake could have caused upset or inconvenience for others and it is vital you give them a sincere and meaningful apology, as soon as possible.
An apology is not a sign of weakness. It is a display of strength of character. Apologies are essential to handling all mistakes that affect others. An apology should not begin “I’m sorry, but…” The internet is full of examples of apologies.
Fix it and Learn From it
Do damage control and do what you can to remedy the mistake. Handling mistakes by making things right and taking responsibility can be a positive experience but learning from your mistake must be part of the process as well. Be it forgetting a birthday, breaking something or hurting someone you love, figure out why it happened. Think about why you made the mistake. Knowledge, execution, emotion; determine where things went wrong. If you can understand why, you can make a plan to keep it from happening again.
Sharing what you learned and what you are going to do might show your commitment to fixing things. If you can’t figure out what went wrong, ask someone you trust for help.
Manage Disasters: Rebuild Trust
I don’t think there is anything more reassuring than knowing you have a friend or partner you can depend on.
The goal of most people is a satisfying relationship and trust is the lynchpin of that relationship. Therefore, it should be no surprise that betrayal and or disappointment within that relationship has significant effects on personal well-being and the well-being of the relationship itself. The trust you have established in a relationship can be jeopardized in many ways, including disappointment, abuse, infidelity and deceit.
Once trust breaks, both partners often experience tremendous anxiety, stress, resentment, loss of self-esteem, loneliness, mistrust, betrayal. Consequently, you will not fix or make a major mistake disappear overnight. Some disastrous mistakes might not be mendable at all. To work together to move on both partners must be willing and patient. Forgiveness requires replacing painful memories with healing ones that help to build back a safe space. And it will take devotion and availability to build those new positive memories.
One thing is sure. The lies and denials that are used to cover-up a transgression can do much more damage than the violation itself. The following steps can help heal broken trust.
Regroup
Acknowledge your actions ASAP before so your partner won’t find out from someone else. Act before their anger has a chance to go unchecked for too long. I hope you will have figured out what drove you to the behavior. You must also plan what you are willing to do to restore or rebuild the broken trust. Committing to being honest with no room for dishonesty is a good beginning.
Respond with kindness and humility to your partner’s need for information. Anticipate their need to vent. And of course, expect them to have plenty of questions.
Apologize
Make sure your words match your actions. Take responsibility and avoid any explanations, rationalizations, excuses, or justifications for your behavior.
It’s also important to be patient and understanding if your friend needs time to forgive you. Know that it can be a process, and as long as you are honest and sincere, be hopeful they will come around.
Don’t be too pushy or demanding, and try to be understanding of their feelings. You can call or text them every few days, but don’t constantly bombard them with messages.
Maintain Open Communication
Make sure you always keep an open line of communication available so your friend knows you’re there if they want to talk. Let them know that you respect their decisions and that you still care about them, regardless.
Your friend needs time to recover and forgive you. Remember that it’s a process. Keep lines of communication open. Be available, but not demanding. Let them know you respect and care for them. Check in in a couple of days but don’t overload them with emails. By all means, keep your business off the internet.
Remember, recovering from a disaster is going to take some time. Listen without judgment to the other person’s thoughts and feelings as they process the situation. Even if you don’t agree with everything being said, there are powerful feelings involved that need to be expressed. You will have a turn to talk about your feelings too.
Recognize the Consequences
Share your feelings as you recognize the consequences of your actions. Now is the time for patience and reassurance that you want to rebuild trust no matter how long it takes. It will take longer than you think and there will be ups and downs. Be patient and give them the time they need, with frequent reassurance of your commitment.
Focus
Stepping up to handle things by taking responsibility is just the first step. It is essential that you and your partner set relationship goals and work on them together. Maintaining focus takes dedication and some couples find the desire to escape compelling, but the benefits of doing the hard work are worth it.
Reach Out
If you are having trouble working through the process, consider reaching out for couple’s therapy. This can be a helpful, positive experience. Many couples contend that with work and honesty, the crisis that came from the betrayal ended with a partnership of love and trust.
Move on. Unfortunately, it’s possible your partner may not want to stay together. It is best to respect their wishes, and painful as it maybe, move on. Begin to move on by forgiving yourself for the mistake, forgive your partner and go forward. Forgiveness is essential. One day you will look back on the happy memories.
Make Your Slip-Ups and Disasters History
No matter if it is a minor slip-up or a major disaster, the mistake is not the end of the story. Instead, how you behave afterward will make a big difference. Be responsible, be professional, be grateful. The tips, tools, and advice detailed above are a great starting point. But it will take consistent practice to become better at “letting go” of your mistakes and continuously putting your best foot forward. In short, make slip-ups and disasters history.
Your past has shaped who you are today, but only your actions starting NOW will shape who you become in the future. Who do you want to be?
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