In previous articles we have discussed 4 Insidious Causes of Self-Sabotage and How to Avoid the 7 Menacing Methods of Self-Sabotage. We know self-sabotage can be a nightmare. Now it is time to cover how to detect self-sabotage and use 7 good habits to end self-sabotage .
When you’re trying to create a change in your life, you need to identify goals and actions. This makes it easier to determine what path to take. It is easier to look at what you can control, rather than what you can’t. Your behavior is something that you can control and change. Self-sabotage is the result of problem behaviors which are often bad habits.
Detecting those problem behaviors or bad habits is often difficult. According to research, about 40 percent of our daily behaviors result from habits. Things we do automatically but might not be aware of.
11 Signs You’re Self-Sabotaging
People often don’t even realize that they are self-sabotaging. But upon closer inspection, they might find that they are practicing avoidance, conflict creation, or controlling behavior. Once you recognize all the signs of self-sabotage, you can begin to change your behavior and adopt good habits.
Eleven signs of self-sabotage include patterns of these behaviors:
- Avoiding people and situations that make you uncomfortable
- Staying within your comfort zone and avoiding change
- Setting goals that are too low to ensure success
- Creating conflict with romantic partners, loved ones, friends, or coworkers
- Trying to control others
- Attempting to gain others’ approval
- Making excuses
- Taking actions that don’t match your values and goals
- Comparing yourself to others
- Social withdrawal or isolation
- Risky behaviors (such as substance use, gambling, overspending, or promiscuity)” choosingtherapy.com
“One of the key reasons people self-sabotage is a lack of self-esteem. Low Self-esteem can have many different causes, but the effects are the same: feelings of worthlessness or incompetence, the belief that you don’t deserve success, and even self-hatred. These deep-seated thoughts and feelings cause negative self-talk, which fuels your fears and your self-sabotaging behaviors.” mindtools.com
Whatever self-sabotaging behaviors you have, it’s essential that you recognize them and overcome them if you are to make the most of your life and your career.
We have looked at what self-sabotage is, what we might be doing to hold ourselves back. Next, we will see how we can stop the self-sabotage.
End Your Self-Sabotage Nightmare
The following practices, when we employ them often enough, can become the good habits we need to end self-sabotage.
1. Identify Your Self-Sabotaging Behaviors
Recognize your own behaviors. What are the goals you haven’t accomplished? What is stopping you? Is it procrastination, motivation or something else? Is there something that bothers you because you know you could do it or should do it. These might be hard questions but it’s better to find the answers so you can better understand what is happening.
2. Cope with Emotions that Lead to Negative Behavior
Does your Self-sabotaging behavior stem from feelings of anxiety, anger and worthlessness? Emotional triggers can blind us to behaviors that have negative consequences. Mindfulness activities that can help include breathing, tapping or walking. Anger management classes, or learning ways to stop negative self-talk can also help.
3. Be Your Own Best Friend
When you know where the problem lies, use self-reflection, journaling, or thought breaks to document your behavior. Just as you would check in with a friend, check in with yourself; ask yourself how you are. Document what you discover when you check in with yourself. This will help you be more direct and intentional about changes you need to make or are making.
4. Use SMART Goals and an Action Plan
Once again, we cross paths with SMART goals. Think of them as your road map to leaving self-sabotage behind. You can wander around aimlessly or you can make a plan to succeed. What do you want more of, what do you want less of? What will give your life purpose and move you toward success? Once you have SMART goals, then add action steps to move you toward your goal. You can download a SMART Goals Worksheet as well as a Priority Finder Worksheet here.
5. Make Small Changes
You can change your habits most effectively in small steps. James Clear, author of Atomic Habits says, “The way to make good habits easier to implement is to make them obvious, attractive, easy, and satisfying.” fourpillarfreedom.com
Replace one thought or behavior every day and give yourself time to make that change a habit. Be patient. Small changes aren’t obvious until they tip the scale.
6. Know & Embrace Your Strengths
Your worst critic is yourself. That negative voice is a primary factor in your self-sabotage. Replacing negative self-talk is a crucial step in stopping self-sabotage. Think about your strengths. What do you do well, what are your accomplishments, when do you have positive emotions? Concentrate on your best self. Find ways to let these strengths shine every day. It can help with your self-love.
7. Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness is a way of life that involves being fully present and grounded in each moment. It helps you separate the past from the present as well as thoughts from reality. Mindfulness can also help with self-control, objectivity, tolerance, concentration and mental clarity. It can also help you relate to others and yourself with forgiveness, kindness, acceptance and compassion.
Use the 7 Good Habits to End Self-Sabotage
Self-sabotage is nothing more than a set of behaviors, bad habits arising out of fear-based negative beliefs. These behaviors can begin anywhere from childhood, in a bad relationship or during a traumatic event. They are not you. They are not a flaw in your character.
These behaviors stand between you and your goals. Be patient with yourself and find what works. Be it journaling, meditation, positive self-talk, introspective searching. You can also reach out for professional help if you feel stuck. You owe it to yourself to be the best you that you can be.
* Please leave a comment below. You may comment anonymously or you may use your first name. We may post or quote your comment on the website. We will never post or share your last name, email address or any other personal identifying information.
